Make Me Strong

I'm a wreck. Emotionally and physically exhausted.

Our vet called me early yesterday evening to tell me that Mojo's prognosis took a turn for the worse. She redid his bloodwork again and his kidney values have actually gotten worse. He is in renal failure. :( He can not recover from this. She is quite certain that the lymphoma has attacked his internal organs, which has caused his kidneys to fail. This is why he is peeing out the fluids almost as fast as he is taking them in and probably why he won't eat.

There is basically nothing we can do for him at this point. Because he won't eat, she still can't give him the prednisone steroid to help make him more comfortable. She suggested I bring him home for the weekend so he isn't living at the hospital anymore. She is sure he is in pain and that his quality of life is on the high end of bad. We can tell because he isn't even wagging his tail anymore or barking or eating or anything a sick but happy dog would do.

So we'll tough it through this weekend, but I'll be taking him back to the vet on Tuesday....and he likely will not be coming home....

It's been exhausting just since I brought him home at 8:00 last night. Because his system is so weakened, the mild athritis he had in his hind end has excelerated to the point of him hardly being able to walk. Our entire friggin house is stairs and it takes every last bit of his energy to get up and down them. He has to pee every 2-3 hours, so that means I'm putting him on his leash, trotting with him down the front hall stairs and then the front porch stairs (in the rain, so that's not helping), coaxing him out to the boulevard for his pee, then trying to convince him to come back up the stairs. More often then not he just collapses at the bottom to rebuild his energy while I try to pet and comfort him while getting rained on. Then after like 5 minutes he can barely drag himself up to the front door. It's so sad to watch. And I'm sure the neighbors love the look of my exhausted ass in a nighty over yoga pants with bedhead and a hoodie at 4am.

Anyway, enough of the depressing details...I just needed to let you all know where it stands. Talking about it makes me feel like I'm doing everything I can. I really miss my Mom and my friends right now...doing this alone is not helping.

The most difficult part of this whole thing is that I am the one that has to relay all of this news to Arron, who is helplessly stuck out at sea. I was a wreck emailing him, but his emails are making me feel OK that I'm doing the right things. He is trying to see if he can come home, but it's doubtful they'd let him leave and it's a $1400 round trip flight from where he is.

Who picks the timing for this shit anyway?